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Gender nonconforming is when an individual’s appearance, behavior, interests, and self-concept vary, either from the norms attributed to their biological sex or from masculine and feminine norms in general.
Very few people fully conform to all gender norms for their assigned gender. This may not mean that everyone is gender non-conforming. Instead, it describes someone who intentionally subverts these gender norms.
Also Known As:
While some people who don’t follow gender stereotypes may use the term gender nonconforming, others may prefer to identify as the following:
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Agender
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Androgynous
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Bigender
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Gender expansive
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Differently gendered
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Gender creative
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Gender fluid
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Gender diverse
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Gender-neutral
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Gender variant
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Genderqueer
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Nonbinary
It is worth noting that if someone identifies as one of the above terms, such as androgynous, for instance, this does not mean they are necessarily gender nonconforming.
How is gender nonconformity expressed?
There are infinite ways in which someone can be gender nonconforming. A way that gender nonconforming can be expressed is through how one presents themselves, such as through their hairstyles, makeup, and clothing.
For example, someone who is assigned female at birth may choose to wear clothing that is marketed to men or wear androgynous clothing. Or someone assigned male at birth may choose to wear clothing marketed to women, grow their hair long, or wear makeup.
A gender-nonconforming individual may choose to present in a way that is neither stereotypically masculine nor feminine presenting.
Gender-nonconforming people may also choose to adopt new pronouns; these are words that can be substituted for a noun. Pronouns such as she/her and he/him are gendered.
Therefore, someone who doesn’t conform to their assigned gender at birth may choose the opposite pronouns to those assigned to them at birth or gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them. Many individuals may prefer a mix of pronouns, such as using she/they or he/they.
While gender nonconformity can apply to how gender is expressed through appearance, it can extend to include attitudes, gestures, gender roles, and more. Many gender nonconforming individuals may reject gender roles and define their own identity, for instance.
Gender Identity vs gender Expression
Gender identity is the internal knowledge and understanding of one’s own gender, meaning it is not visible to others.
Gender expression is the external presentation of gender, so generally, gender nonconforming is about the behaviors related to gender expression.
Gender nonconforming is more about how gender is expressed, which differs from gender fluid, for instance, which is more about gender identity.
Gender nonconforming is not to be mistaken for being transgender, where people have a gender identity or gender expression which differs from the gender they were assigned at birth.
Transgender individuals can be gender-conforming if they are given opportunities to affirm their gender identity. Gender nonconforming is also not the same as non-binary individuals, whose gender identity is neither male nor female.
Anybody can be gender nonconforming, such as those who are transgender, non-binary, gender fluid, or even those who are cisgender, meaning their gender identity aligns with their assigned gender at birth.
Gender is fluid
Cisgender refers to someone whose sex assigned at birth matches their gender identity.
While many individuals identify as cisgender, many are not. The idea of gender is a social construct, with gender norms usually enforced by the culture one lives in.
The fact that there are multiple cultures and communities that have their own ideas of gender shows that the idea that one person may have about gender norms can differ from someone else.
Gender is believed to be on a spectrum, with countless types of gender identities. Thus, gender is fluid and not necessarily related to the gender assigned at birth.
Some people may start showing gender-nonconforming behaviors and attitudes at a very young age, whereas others may become gender nonconforming in adolescence or adulthood.
Different gender expressions and identities are not a new concept, as there is evidence of gender nonconformity throughout history. The gender assigned at birth is not always stable, and people can have the opportunity to explore their gender so that they can find what they are most comfortable with. In this way, people can live as their most authentic selves.
Gender nonconforming in childhood
When children are very young, they often have not developed their own ideas about who they are and what gender is. Once they get to an age where they can make their own decisions, is when gender nonconforming may present itself.
Children may non-conform to their assigned gender at birth by wanting to play with toys that are more typical of the opposite gender. For instance, girls may want to play with toy cars or play football, whereas boys may want to play with dolls.
They may want to wear clothing typical of the opposite gender or dress more androgynous. They may also prefer to play with other children of the opposite assigned gender or engage in types of play that are not typical of their gender, e.g., girls opting for more rough-and-tumble play or boys opting for roleplaying games.
It is worth noting that not all gender nonconforming children dress and play in a way outside of typical gender norms.
This is where socialization plays a big role.
Many children may be told by parents, teachers, or other children that they should only play with toys or dress in a way associated with their assigned gender at birth. Thus, many children may not start displaying gender nonconformity until later in life, when they are more able to make more of their own decisions.
‘I remember being in my first-grade class and we were asked to sign up for like lunch reading groups… the teacher said, you know, all the girls are going to be reading this book. All the boys are going to be reading this book… I remember putting up a fit cause I was like, I don’t want to read the princess book or whatever, whatever it was… And I was like, but I want to read the boy’s book. Like that seems cool. Um, and I remember talking to my teacher about it… I didn’t want to be a part of the girls group screw that. Um, and the teacher said no.’
Quote from: Non-binary Gender Identity Development: A Qualitative Study (Waagen, 2022)
Some parents may express shock at their teenager assigned female at birth displaying gender nonconforming behavior. A parent may say, ‘They were always playing with girl’s toys and loved to dress up in pretty dresses as a young child.’
However, if ‘girl’s toys’ were the only toys available to the child, and they were actively encouraged to wear dresses, the child may not have had the option to do any differently.
Children who are gender nonconforming will not necessarily grow up to realize they are transgender.
However, children who are insistent that their gender identity is different to that associated with their assigned gender and persistent in this belief are highly likely to be transgender.
Challenges for gender nonconforming individuals
While gender-nonconforming individuals may be living their most authentic life by choosing to non-conform to certain gender roles, there are some issues they may face due to not conforming.
People who are gender nonconforming can face a lot of criticism or bullying from others who may have strongly established ideas about gender roles or are uncomfortable with the idea of someone not conforming to gender roles.
Some people may find it hard to place gender-nonconforming individuals into the simple gendered boxes of either man or woman.
‘I have great colleagues and an amazing cohort and amazing friends, but our professors are like terrible… And so it’s been really hard navigating… am I integrating using he/they pronouns because I’ll get, mis-gendered less with a binary pronoun?’
Quote from: Non-binary Gender Identity Development: A Qualitative Study (Waagen, 2022)
Many people who believe in adhering to strict gender roles may become abusive to those who gender non-conform. This can be in the form of offensive language or even violence in extreme cases.
Research on gender-nonconforming youth found that they may be more likely to experience abuse with a potential impact on their mental health (Craig et al., 2020).
Any individual seen as not conforming to their assigned gender at birth norms can be a victim of abuse. This can include transgender people who have been known to be assaulted or even killed simply for being transgender.
Likewise, gay men and lesbians have been victims of violence because they are not attracted to the gender they are supposed to be attracted to, according to their gender norms.
Black and ethnic minority groups may face additional challenges for also being gender nonconforming. So, when discussing the challenges that gender nonconforming individuals face, it is important to consider how marginalized groups, such as people of color, can face multiple layers of discrimination and hate.
Those who are gender nonconforming can also face issues with their mental health as a result of the abuse they face. It was found that youth who were victims of bullying due to being perceived as gender nonconforming (even if not accurate) can experience school victimization, have poorer life satisfaction, and may suffer from depression (Toomey et al., 2013).
Likewise, results from a study showed that gender nonconforming predicted higher levels of self-reported social interaction anxiety (Jacobson, Cohen, & Diamond, 2016). This may make sense if those who are gender nonconforming are apprehensive of the reaction they may get from others for being gender nonconforming.
Childhood gender nonconforming has been associated with poorer relationships with parents. It may indicate children are at increased risk of abuse and possibly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if they grow up with less accepting family members (Roberts et al., 2012).
Gender nonconforming has also been related to elevated behavioral and emotional challenges. This association was stronger for those who experienced poor peer relations and those whose parents or guardians endorsed gender-stereotype attitudes and were less willing to serve as a secure base for their child (MacMullin et al., 2021).
Moreover, gender nonconforming in adolescence was significantly associated with a higher likelihood of reports of suicidal ideation, suicide plans, and suicide attempts (Spivey & Prinstein, 2018).
How to support someone who is gender nonconforming
All these issues that gender nonconforming people can face reveal how harmful gender norms and expectations can be.
As a parent of a gender nonconforming child, you can support your child to explore their gender expression openly. Allowing them to choose how they present themselves and what toys they play with is a good way to start encouraging a child to find their own identity.
Regardless of whether you are a parent, educator, friend, or partner of a gender-nonconforming individual, you can become an advocate for them.
There are positive steps you can take to actively support others who are gender nonconforming or to seek support if you are gender nonconforming.
- Use correct pronouns, titles, names, and other identifiers. Don’t assume a person’s pronouns – ask them politely what terms they use. Then, respectfully use those pronouns and address them accordingly. If you happen to use the wrong pronoun, apologize briefly and move on using the right ones.
- Speak up to challenge stereotypes, biases, and judgments. If you hear someone else being rude, dismissive, or judgmental regarding gender expression, speak up to challenge those harmful assumptions. Push back against statements enforcing restrictive norms.
- Show support through validation and understanding. Seek to listen more than speak. Encourage gender nonconforming people to share their experiences and make sure they know you support them. Validate their feelings and perspectives without judgment. Provide empathy and compassion.
- Educate yourself and others. Read up on gender diversity issues and identities to increase awareness. If someone seems genuinely curious yet uninformed, politely explain or provide resources to help inform them respectfully regarding gender diversity and expression.
- Advocate for institutional changes. Write to leaders and politicians urging policy reform regarding rights and protections for gender nonconforming individuals in housing, employment, healthcare, etc. Support organizations pursuing policy changes or legal work in this area.
- Foster safe spaces. Make your personal spaces, friend circles, and workplaces visibly welcoming for people of all gender identities and expressions. Call out intolerance when you see it. Promote environments where people feel free to express their authentic selves.
- Provide emotional support. Check in on the mental health of gender nonconforming friends and offer an empathetic ear. Connect them with professional support resources as needed for counseling or crisis assistance. Remind them you stand by their side.
History of gender nonconforming
Gender nonconforming is often considered a relatively new way to express gender. However, gender-nonconforming has existed throughout history. Below are some famous examples of gender-nonconforming individuals.
Elagabalus – 222 AD
Elagabalus was a Roman emperor who insisted on being referred to as Lady or Empress. They wore feminine makeup and was known to disguise themselves as a female sex worker.
Eleanor Rykener – 1400s
Eleanor Rykener was a key figure of gender and sexuality in medieval England. Born with a male body, they were arrested after living as a woman and working as a prostitute.
Rykener was believed to have had sexual relationships with men and women and, at different times, fulfilled more masculine and feminine roles.
Thomas/Thomasine Hall – 1600s
Hall was raised as a girl before presenting himself as a man in order to enter the military. However, this turned out not to be a one-off case of disguising one’s gender.
After serving in the military, Hall regularly alternated between masculine and feminine clothing and went by both names of Thomas and Thomasine. They claimed to feel no preference towards either gender before there was the language to describe this kind of non-conforming.
Jack Garland – late 1800s to mid-1900s
Although being assigned female at birth, Garland presented themselves as male, such as dressing in masculine clothing and refusing to speak aloud to prevent people from using their voice to make inferences about their gender.
After serving in the U.S. military was when he adopted the name Jack garland. He worked as a male nurse and got heavily tattooed, which was considered masculine at the time.
Cultural differences
Gender norms are not the same for every culture and society around the world; in fact, these can differ vastly. What may be considered gender nonconforming in one culture might not be in another.
Throughout history and still to this day, there have been communities that reject the idea of the two-gender binary or who recognize additional genders. Below will describe some of the communities that see gender differently.
Hijra
Hijra has been recognized in South Asian cultures, including India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh, as a third gender for 1000s of years. Hijras are biological males who adopt feminine norms such as wearing feminine clothing and taking on other feminine gender roles.
Many do not consider themselves men or women but a distinct third gender.
Two-spirited people
The ‘two-spirited people’ are recognized by at least 155 Native American tribes. These individuals are believed to literally have the spirit of both a man and a woman.
They encompass a wide range of gender expressions ranging from more feminine, more masculine, or androgynous.
Burrnesha
Burrnesha is a community in Albania first documented in the 1800s but can be traced back to the 1400s. The Burrnesha are biological women who take a vow of chastity and wear male clothing in order to be viewed as men in the highly patriarchal society.
Sekrata
Based in Madagascar, Sekrata are boys who are thought to have a feminine appearance and so were raised as girls. They wear their hair long and in decorative knots, have silver coins inserted into their pierced ears and wear many bracelets.
Their society thought their efforts to be female natural and it is believed that they have supernatural protection, which punished anyone who attempted to do them harm.
Mahu
In Hawaii, a multiple-gender tradition existed among the Kanaka Maoli indigenous society. The Mahu could be biologically male or female, inhabiting a gender role somewhere in between.
Their social role is considered sacred as educators and advocates of ancient traditions and rituals.
References
American Psychological Association. (2015). Guidelines for psychological practice with transgender and gender nonconforming people . American Psychologist, 70(9), 832-864.
Craig, S. L., Austin, A., Levenson, J., Leung, V. W., Eaton, A. D., & D’Souza, S. A. (2020). Frequencies and patterns of adverse childhood events in LGBTQ+ youth. Child abuse & neglect, 107, 104623.
Jacobson, R., Cohen, H., & Diamond, G. M. (2016). Gender atypicality and anxiety response to social interaction stress in homosexual and heterosexual men. Archives of sexual behavior, 45(3), 713-723.
MacMullin, L. N., Bokeloh, L. M., Nabbijohn, A. N., Santarossa, A., van der Miesen, A. I., Peragine, D. E., & VanderLaan, D. P. (2021). Examining the Relation Between Gender Nonconformity and Psychological Well-Being in Children: The Roles of Peers and Parents. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(3), 823-841.
PBS. (2015, August 11). A Map of Gender-Diverse Cultures. https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/content/two-spirits_map-html/
Roberts, A. L., Rosario, M., Corliss, H. L., Koenen, K. C., & Austin, S. B. (2012). Childhood gender nonconformity: A risk indicator for childhood abuse and posttraumatic stress in youth. Pediatrics, 129(3), 410-417.
Spivey, L. A., & Prinstein, M. J. (2019). A preliminary examination of the association between adolescent gender nonconformity and suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 47(4), 707-716.
Toomey, R. B., Ryan, C., Diaz, R. M., Card, N. A., & Russell, S. T. (2013). Gender-nonconforming lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth: school victimization and young adult psychosocial adjustment.
Waagen, T. (2022). Non-binary Gender Identity Development: A Qualitative Study (Doctoral dissertation, The University of North Dakota).
Warnes, O. (2019, December 3). Not just a trend: A brief history of gender non-conforming. Her Campus. https://www.hercampus.com/school/exeter/not-just-trend-brief-history-gender-non-conforming/
